loungelizard | Prisma ♦︎ Inbox

[He smiles.]

Hehehe-- we're all fools to some degree.

[Larry keeps Ford's hands on his face as he leans in for a short kiss.]

You can still define what is real to you. Sometimes things out of your control will happen. And that's okay too!

[He goes in for a second, longer one.]

[The kisses help. The closeness helps. He's still probably going to be puzzling through how he feels about this for a good long while, but it's hard to stay angry when someone is kissing you. Part of him wants to point out that it's not things happening that are out of his control that he's upset about, but rather the realization that his own autonomy is artificial. Sure, he's great at dealing with unexpected bullshit, but now there's the question of whether his 'improv' in those situations is really just him taking the one available pre-ordained path.

He decides not to push it. Not right now. He just managed to pull himself back from an honest to goodness freakout, he doesn't need to work himself up into another. He's tired. That was a whole lot of sharing he just did. Clunky, inelegant and explosive, sure, but something is better than nothing. Ford Pines has no idea how to take care of himself and that includes his mental health, so it shouldn't be surprising that that was the first time he's said some of those things so plainly to someone other than his diary. That's more than enough progress for one stick of moon dust.

He removes one hand from Larry's cheek, but only so he can wrap that arm around his skinny shoulders.]

Will you stay here tonight?

[They hadn't actually discussed whether that was part of the plan, probably because it was assumed. Ford would kind of like a confirmation, now. Just to hear it.]

[There are a lot of different elements that contribute to the existential crisis of first acquiring self-awareness and Larry is only taking stabs in the dark at which ones he thinks are rubbing Ford the worst way. At the very least it seems like he's not making any errantly wrong stabs?]

Of course, hehe!

[Larry pushes himself up and thwoops himself right into Ford's lap. Cuddles? Can it be cuddles time now?]

Although--to be fair--I figured going home wasn't in the cards once I took my clothes off. Aaaand considering what's going on outside right now...

[Those narrow shoulders shrug. Just an average day in Lunatia: two old men idling time away with each other while the city goes apeshit outside.]

[Ford likes this better than being out in the thick of the chaos. Not that he doesn't still enjoy a healthy adventure, but boy band mania isn't his department. And, you know, realizing the mania was messing with his head made him draw the line a lot sooner than he might have otherwise.]

Mm. I don't mind the fighting but I don't like having my free will messed with.

[His face makes a rueful expression that's just a shadow away from a smile.]

Though now it feels a little pointless to get hung up on questions of agency.

[He wasn't going to push it and then his brain got ahead of him and now he's here. He doesn't sound upset, necessarily. That was almost an attempt at a joke, because when Ford doesn't know what else to do he defaults to making light of things that would otherwise be deeply troubling.]

[Larry giggles and leans forward, draping his upper arms on Ford's shoulders and resting his elbows on the edge of the couch seats. His hands just kinda hang out limply in the air as Larry nuzzles into his stubble-laden neck.]

Don't think so hard! I know that's a lot to ask of you, but you'll find happiness if you learn to live in the moment. I promise!

[For now?

Enjoy the high and the touch of another human being.]

[Well that's easy for Larry to say: he knows exactly whose hands he's in! And the impression Ford gets is that he trusts the Germans, or at least isn't all that displeased with what they've been doing. Ford has no idea what kind of person holds his fate in their hands, only that they were kind enough to give him what could be termed a happy ending up until Lunatia happened.

Still.]

We shouldn't have got me all goofy, then, because that's the fastest way to get me thinking too much about things.

[The drugs were squarely his idea, but y'know, details. Larry is present so it's halfway his fault.]

The last time I took this stuff I completely forgot to use one of my toys in favor of spending three hours on speculative biological diagrams of what the creature it belonged to might have looked like.

[The joke is he had the same amount of fun, ultimately.]

[Ford would be entirely correct. And even if that wasn't the case, he'd still find something about the moment to enjoy.

If Larry is present it is default to be his fault. Even if it's sprung on him with no warning. That's how the brand works.]

I can help you with that!

[Errr...

Larry pulls back enough to actually look at Ford, giving him a self-conscious smirk.]

Helping you to remember to use your toys, I mean. Not the biological diagrams.

[Maybe also the biological diagrams, but it's not his priority.]

I think you might have an ulterior motive.

[One that isn't just 'make Ford Pines get out of his own head a little', though that's not unwelcome right now. He knows a distraction isn't a bad idea. He's used sex that way before, especially out in the multiversal boondocks. Very few things work quite so well at forcing him to be solely in the moment.

It's just... this is a lot to distract from. The sex is going to have to be really fucking good.]

Not that I mind.

[It's high sex, so it...probably won't be. At least compared to some of the wilder shit they've done before.]

Oops! Caught me red-handed. [Titter.] Or maybe white-handed?

[Larry sits back so that he can look Ford in the eyes, ever twinkling despite his blown-out pupils.]

What say you, baby?

[Listen. He is too high to realize that high sex is maybe not a fantastic idea. That's why high sex happens with such frequency despite never turning out how you want.]

I'm not gonna get any more drawing done with my pencil Moses knows where.

[And, y'know, he's got a naked man in his lap and all.

The real question is whether either of them cares enough to actually move this to the bedroom when there's pillows and blankets right there. Ford doesn't. He's more concerned with leaning in to close the distance between them again and planting a kiss on the jaw Larry doesn't have.]

Mm-hmm.

[Who could possibly help? Someone that would have decades of experience sussing out small details in large, busy scenes? Someone who knows how to pixel hunt with the best?

Someone...busier with much more important things.

Larry pulls his arms down from over Ford's shoulders as he gets kissed and takes fistfuls of his shirt. He giggles and leans backwards, pulling the shirt with him as he goes, in a bid to get Ford to lay down with him on those said pillows and blankets. Who needs a bedroom when this acts as a perfect and literal fuck-nest?]

[Ford, who has never heard the words 'pixel-hunting', is woefully uninformed about the level of skill he's dealing with. He'll learn eventually, probably, when they feel like getting around to it. For now he lets Larry pull him forward (and it really is letting Larry do it because if he wanted to he could probably just sit there while Larry pulled with about the same effect as a man trying to move a semi truck). He settles in to leaving a proper hickey on Larry's neck, something he hasn't done in quite a while but is attacking now with the same single-minded concentration as he was drawing earlier.

He's starting to consciously want simple physical closeness even when the Cordis moon isn't in the sky and it's probably a good thing he's high enough that he's not thinking too hard about that. Not because it's bad, exactly, but because it's too good. It means that he's starting to get comfortable in a way that's more dire than just redecorating his apartment. He's starting to find reasons to want to stay and those reasons are people and that's always dangerous when he knows very well that he could fall out of this reality with one wrong move. Is this part of his arc? Will he only get booted at an appropriately-dramatic moment? No, no. Don't think about that. He resolves to focus on Larry's pulse under his lips, on the warm skin beneath his fingers, on the way their legs tangle together a little awkwardly during the transition from sitting upright to laying down. This is the moment. He's supposed to be living in it. It's a nice moment, it can't be that hard.]

Lemme know if my fangs get you.

[Not that he's not using his teeth. It's just a fine line to walk between using your teeth well and not doing that.]

[The hickey is entirely unexpected!]

Ah!

[But he follows his yelp with a giggle. It's not unwanted, just a surprise. He stills under Ford's mouth, fearing to disturb his very important work -- unaware of the thoughts he's trying to fend off.]

Oh, don't worry. You'll know!

[On account of him not being afraid at all to cry out in pain by reflex. Meanwhile, his hands busy themselves in trying to undo Ford's trousers to get them pulled down. Free the ass!]

Good.

[Just because Ford prefers to bottom doesn't mean he doesn't like to take initiative. Sometimes you just want to leave a mark on someone. He gets the feeling Larry won't be upset about a sizable hickey, not after he was so quick to be proud of the much-more-dire twelve hour sex marathon.

Alternately the hickey could be an excuse to steal a boyfriend sweater to cover his neck, which casual perusal of local literature (magazines) has taught Ford is a coveted signal of romantic entanglement. Not that this is romantic entanglement. It's just physical entanglement. Haha.

Ha.

Anyway. Ford shifts his hips up so that there's a little more room between them for Larry's hands to work. Besides his ass (always good to have out and about), there's... not really much going on down there. He's still trying to capture the mood. Usually being high doesn't make that any more difficult for him, so it should be fine, right?]

I've been thinking -- [nip] -- of getting another bracelet -- [nibble] -- and making something else permanent. [He pulls back to check how much damage he's done.] Can't decide what though.

[Larry loves the initiative. Not because he doesn't have plenty of it himself (he do) but there's nothing that assures that your partner is really into it quite like seeing them go after what they want.

This hurts...less than Larry expected. Maybe it's the drugs. Maybe Ford just has really good hickey skills. He can feel his skin bruising under Ford's assault, but it's vague as if it were far away. The sweater thing is a good idea, if he had half the brain to consider it right now.

He's a little more preoccupied with palming Ford's junk right now, since his pants and underwear are out of the way. He's just as soft as Larry is, which is good, because he was starting to worry a little about his own whiskey-dick considering Bucephalus is usually always ready to jump into battle on any other day. Instead of the hungry, tunnel-visioned focus that Larry usually exhibits, he's kinda just toying with his dick and balls in a lazy, playful, and unfocused way. Man, dick-skin is weird. Has his own always felt like that...?]

Yeah? What're the options?

[Does he actually get to have a say in the choice?? That's very exciting!]

[Feedback is always useful! Not that Ford has a great track record of actually listening to it, but this is a situation where he'd be genuinely interested in outside opinions. Critique on one of his many dissertations is a little different than frank discussion of what animal parts he should permanently staple to his body.]

I've been told the ears are cute. The tail too. Retractable claws might be fun?

[He has a feeling there are some people -- maybe not Larry, but some people -- who would find the claws particularly stimulating mid-fuck. On a less incredibly horny note he knows he could spend hours just squeezing his own beans during the time he has them and watching built-in knives pop out on command. The tail, though, that's good for pulling and draws attention to one of his best features. The ears give away a little more of his mood than he'd like to have on display, but after being point-blank told they're cute they have to be in the running. That's only fair. It's a hard choice particularly right now when he's inclined to think about it a little too hard.

Satisfied with the look of that side of Larry's neck, he tips his head a little and settles in to mirror it on the other. The chill feel is good. It means he doesn't feel like he's on a time crunch to get it together, except that he does a little because the longer he spends not adequately distracting himself the longer he risks falling back into thinking himself in circles. His hips move against Larry's hand but not with any sort of real intent.]

If you have opinions I'm open to them.

[Even his voice against Larry's neck is a little more subdued than one might expect when talking about potential permanent animal bits.]

Ooh! Those are all great ideas.

[Goodness, Ford, what are you trying to do -- eat his neck off? He's blissfully unaware of the mental absconding taking place in Ford's head, already living in his own moment and figuring there's no better way to help Ford do the same.

He's not fighting the hickeys though. He's...barely acting as if it's happening, other than the fact that he tilts his head to allow Ford more access.]

I can think of a few reasons why retractable claws could result in pretty bad accidents...

[Stimulating and hemorrhaging! Not in the sexy way.]

But among the tail and the ears...I think I'd prefer the ears. Allow me to present my case...!

[Larry uses his free hand to put his fingers through Ford's curly gray hair, stroking back and forth (and getting just a little bit of nail in there) just like he knows Ford likes it. He follows the path of a theoretical set of cat-ears, trying to show Ford what it would feel like if more of Ford's partners were invited to do the same without being asked...]

[See. This is why you ask for a second opinion. While not being under the influence of Cordis he can't actually purr, but he definitely does still make a soft sound in the back of his throat and lean a little more into that touch.

It strikes him suddenly and with great clarity that between Larry's two hands, he vastly prefers what the one in his hair is doing. He closes his eyes and goes very still for a moment, and then sighs against the mark he was working into Larry's skin.]

I think you're right.

[That's the easy part. The hard part is the rest of it.]

Can we-- not that I don't enjoy this. Or wouldn't enjoy it normally. Ah. [It's hard to articulate exactly what he's feeling and as someone who cares very much about being articulate, that's frustrating.] But I don't think I have it in me right now.

[He pushes himself up onto one elbow. His expression is a little apologetic, but he's also smart enough to know this isn't something he's going to be able to just power through. That's character development, baby!]

Would you like to go sit in bed and talk about space?

[Larry lets out a throaty chuckle as Ford makes his not-purr. Of course Larry is right, he is nothing if not full of practical approaches to problems.

Well-articulated or not, it gets the message across clearly and concisely. Larry lets go of Ford's junk without any fanfare nor hesitation. He can't hold Ford's hair either when he sits up, so he lets go of that as well, and he holds his hands idly by his head.]

If by "talk about space", you mean "listen to you talk about space"--then yes! [Because Larry knows jack-all about space.] But only if you carry me there. We've established that as a trope by now, after all.

[Larry gives a passing smirk to the camera. Don't you think it's still a little early to be making these jokes with him, Larry?]

Have we--?

[... Yeah. Thinking back on it, yeah. If not a trope, then a running gag. This whole 'being fictional' thing actually casts their entire relationship into a very new light and Ford isn't yet sure what kind it is. Not a bad one. Just one he doesn't know how to parse. Maybe that's not something to try and unravel right now.

He stands, shuffles out of his clothing the rest of the way (where they're going he won't need it) and then stoops to scoop Larry up in his arms. The apartment is small and so the walk to the bedroom is a short one. It's as cluttered as the rest of the place: a huge desk covered in books and papers, a bedside table with knick-knacks and candles, scattered art supplies, thick curtains over the window that looks out onto the city and most importantly, a big bed with a very loud quilt and several layers of equally-loud sheets. It's not made, so when Ford plops Larry onto it it shouldn't be too hard for him to nestle his way beneath the sheets. Ford doesn't immediately join him.]

Would it bother you if I turned on the Globular? Not the void setting, I promise. The stars.

[He likes the void, but he's aware he's probably the only one. And anyway right now he doesn't want to feel isolated.]

Edited 2020-05-22 08:38 (UTC)

[Like a rodent placed upon adequate bedding, Larry immediately scurries under the blankets, disappearing entirely for a few seconds, only movement under the sheets betraying his presence. A few seconds later, after he's cocooned himself in one specific blanket, his head pops up out of it and further wiggles to get comfortable amongst Ford's pillows. Have they always been so soft...?]

Oh, knock yourself out!

[Space is still sufficiently dark, detailed in a way that his brain wants to fixate on, and...the perfect equation for falling asleep while listening to Ford's bassy voice as he goes on and on about space. Hopefully he won't take it personally.]

[He won't. That's the state he wants to get to himself, the one where he hits auto-pilot and then wakes up the next morning with no memory of when he lost consciousness. Given the okay, he switches the little device on. It's on the void setting from the last time he needed an extended thinking session but he quickly swaps it over to the galaxy.

He know where the bed is by memory but it's certainly easier to tell what with Larry's head serving as a waypoint. He climbs up (the mattress dips a little) and settles himself down, curled up beneath a different blanket and a reasonable amount of the quilt. He's on his side, the better to rest one arm over Larry's cocoon. Something solid and grounding is good, even with the moon dust making everything floaty. He hasn't actually tried the galaxy setting under the influence yet and it might show on his face how breathtaking it is. To a man who already finds space beautiful and awe-inspiring, seeing it through this new lens is a lot. He's had long enough to map this virtual starscape and yet now it feels entirely new again.]

I used to like this best. The times when I wasn't planetside. When you're on the ground you don't realize how small you are and how big the universe is. You need to be out in it as just you, not you with a planet under your feet, to really get the sense of scale.

[The weight of Ford's arm against his chest feels good. Comforting. Larry worms his way closer to Ford so that he can tuck up under his chin and enjoy the sensation of a living, breathing body up against him. His eyes go in and out of focus as they explore the simulated starscape above them.

Larry chuckles at Ford's comment about a sense of scale, but keeps his comments to himself. Who needs a sense of scale when you're acutely aware of the size of the floppy disk you're on and just how much of it you take up? And that floppy disk occupies such an infinitesimal amount of space in the world...

No, Larry decides. He doesn't like the feeling of loneliness that comes with understanding just how much one is a speck in physical space. He doesn't care, as long as he has someone to share that space with. He's already mushed up against Ford, but he manages to find one more inch to get closer.]

[Maybe that's one of the key differences between them. They've both always been so acutely aware of their place in the universe, and yet they've always dealt with it in very different ways. Instead of learning not to think about in favor of finding the beauty at his feet, Ford decided to fall in love with the entire universe.]

When I was younger I was fascinated by the Bermuda Triangle because I liked the idea of somewhere I could go to just... disappear. [It doesn't occur to him what that sounds like. He's too high to have much filter, and his thoughts are leapfrogging too quickly from idea to idea to really curb them in.] Somewhere nobody had ever seen. Space is that but forever. You could spend your whole life mapping just one universe and barely cover an infinitesimal fraction of it.

[Yeah, it turns out when he said 'talk about space' he didn't mean 'discuss the finer points of physics'. Space makes him feel a way. A good way. That's what he wanted to capture. Even knowing his universe -- multiverse? -- is fake, that doesn't mean he can't appreciate its potential.]

Nothing you find is something you were looking for. It's always a wonderful surprise. Places. [He squeezes his arm around Larry just a little tighter.] People.

[He kind of wishes he hadn't been so tunnel-vision focused on his suicide mission back when he really had the opportunity to appreciate that.]

[A lot of what Ford says falls on deaf ears.

Larry got hung up on somewhere I could go to just disappear. Everything after that is just noise as tears well up into his eyes.

He doesn't think about it a whole lot, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten what it feels like to have his entire life crumble out from his under his feet, all for one reason--that he technically never fixed, but rather rebuilt his life around with enough time. But at the time, he didn't realize there was a chance of rebuilding his life; he was suddenly cast into stark loneliness in a time of his life that he craved companionship more than he ever had in the past. He had an itch so bad that he couldn't think about anything else, and it persisted even when it took everything from him.

It's not that he wanted to kill himself, necessarily. He just wanted the itch to stop and he could only think of two ways to make that happen.

Larry rolls over onto his side and presses his face into Ford's chest.]

...I don't want you to disappear...

[His voice wobbles. He's not crying, it's...it's just the dust.]

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meteorman - 2020-05-23 08:23 (UTC) - Expand

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loungelizard - 2020-05-24 05:31 (UTC) - Expand

Prisma ♦︎ Inbox

DEFINITELY not dating

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NSFW, just a reminder to anyone reading this that may have forgotten who was involved

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oops! all emotions

final destination, no items, feelings only

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cw suicidal ideation

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